Sam wears the pants in our office. She also wears the skirts, the summer dresses and the thigh-high boots. But don’t let that fool you. Behind the eyes like moonlit pools and creamy, sun-dappled skin, hides the reason that she’s the boss. She’s tough, she don’t take no shit offa nobody and if she snaps her fingers, somewhere a fairy dies. Seriously. I once saw her make a freelancer’s heart explode with just a single, sultry wink.

She claims that her success (which came at a very young age) is due to her ‘work ethic’ and that age-old annoying trump card chicks dig to throw in there - ‘multi-tasking’. We just let her march around like she’s in charge ‘cause of the way her ass looks in a pair of Levis. What officer? No, no... It was just a joke!

As if running a ship of hooligans doesn't stress her out enough, and it obviously doesn't, she's also started a Yoga Movement in her free time. She's also about to forever stop being Ms Dean, and start becoming Mrs Dean. Does her fiancé know what he's in for, we wonder. And, will he care?

When Rich started the company over a decade ago, I'm fairly certain he knew he'd be doing well by now. And he is. He runs two companies, with a third on the way. He has a head full of ideas, as well as a garage full of bikes, and houses full of garages! He writes for Longevity, Destiny Man (among others), and gets paid large bags of money to talk at shows for large corporates across the country. In fact, he's an idol to most employees at the company - I mean, who wouldn't want to be doing so well without doing any actual work?!

What he may not have foreseen was that he'd be essentially a figurehead, having handed the reigns over to the capable Ms Dean. He's like the Queen of England, really. Just with a bit less tea, and a few more tattoos. This allows him to get back to what he really loves - being a super-committed dad. And eating playdough.

If we had a big, gold trophy for ‘Most Valuable Staff Member’ (which we totally should have), it would go to D’ave - uncontested. He carries the intellectual weight of the company on his muscled shoulders, and holds our hopes in his beautiful, artistic (and yet manly) hands. He runs (or rather, sprints) the strategy department, but also edits, does the books, and helps Sam and Donovan do their jobs. It’s not a rare sight to see D’ave working through the night to finish up everyone else’s work (allowing them to have calm time) before flying off to the World Capoeira Championships - which he’s won every year since 1974 (5 years before he was born). He's even gone so far as to convince the world's hottest tattoo model to mary him (to be fair a bucketload of Chardonnay did help).

We’re expecting his true superhero powers to manifest any day now, so he can use his down-time to battle crime in the skies above Cape Town with laser eyes, and claws of adamantium. He also writes the blurbs for this site.

Donovan is a bad-ass mutha with a worse attitude. Except when he laughs, when he sounds like a lady sparrow paid a compliment by a dashing man-sparrow. He's a beer drinking, beer making, beer swilling maniac. Unless he's with his two beautiful kids, throwing tea parties. He likes a good fight here and there too, usually at festivals or rugby matches, but designs rather lovely onesies for babies on the weekend (babytees.co.za). He's a lead Crew Boss, and über-designer. Except when he's complaining about his work load.

A world of contrasts is our Donovan. Which goes a long way to explain why he dresses as he does.

The only time Tammy comes to talk to any of us is to:

• a) Demand to know why we haven't done something
• b) Demand to know when we'll have something done by
• c) Tell us when it'll actually be done by
• d) Apologise for being so yelly

She's come a long way from concierge and, as you may have guessed (you clever thing, you), she now runs production. This, in a title, makes her Chaos Coordinator, and gives her possibly the most difficult job in the company. And, as Ben Parker once said, "With great power, comes great responsibility." What ol' Ben failed to mention is that with that responsibility thing comes great dementia - Tammy is now often seen around the office 'lol'ing to herself (she actually says 'lol') and talking in Anime. We're trying to find her somewhere nice to 'recuperate'.

You all know that you, as our beloved bill-payers, are our top priority. And, to put out money where our mouths are, we needed to find the right kind of person to make sure you're well taken care of when you come here. Someone who listens, who is patient, someone who makes a mean curry. But, instead, Richard hired Letticia!

She's the tiny little bhaji of joy who essentially runs the place. She stocks, orders, feeds, hits and yells at the machine that is ML, making it all run smoother than a colon after korma. And, jokes aside, she can't even cook curry. Which makes her the worst Indian in the world.

She's going to be an actress soon, so make sure you get a look down her rather low cut tops before then!

Dayle's been with us for a while (as you might know) and, as such, has collected a few things under his belt: visual aid creation, video editing, image creation, about 6 inches and some really nasty boxers. His newest notch, and one that he well deserves, is Head Animator Guy. Essentially, he makes sexy things that move on screen, making sure your videos are fashionable, as well as functional!

As with the Biblical Samson, the source of Dayle's power lies in the unruly clot of hair upon his head. Which explains the worried looks, the panicky gazes and the sleeping face-first on his mouse pad. He's as annoying as he is lovable - and we LOVE him!

Jarred's life, since it's fairly drunken inception, has been a rocket straight to the top. Starting, humbly in the small, pork producing village of Harrismith, he quickly proved himself, moving to the comparatively cosmopolitan vistas of Ladysmith - which hasn't produced anything of note since tyres, illiteracy and a Black Mambazo . Here he soon showed his steel by making 1st team rugby. Besides all team mates being related, and there only being 5 of them, they dominate the livestock leagues of the day, leading Jarred to believe he just might be destined for greater things. Leaving Ladysmith (and, more than likely, an impregnated sister) behind, he arrived in Joburg after falling asleep in a train yard. And now we rent him out to you, our beloved clients :)

To be fair, he has come a very long way since his iffy start. He's now playing in a band YOU want to be in with Gavin (they're amazing) and he's one of the best camera-guys and editors we've ever had... in the adult film industry.

That said, he still hasn't forgotten his roots - it's just darling to watch him trying to plant crops on his keyboard, cackling to himself. Don't poke him with sticks - it makes him sad.

I know everyone is expecting me to write about how "Andrew is from Brits", and "lives on a farm", but that's unfair. There's a lot more to Andrew than just where he's from. Like the fact that he has a golf handicap that rivals Christopher Reeve's, he multiplies like syphilis and he was once erroneously entered into the 'World's Largest...' competition under the 'Citrus Fruit' Category.

While we're on the topic, just because he brews his own alcohol in a bathtub at home, it doesn't make him a 'redneck'. He's actually a redneck, redhead and redpants. In fact, he's a card-carrying member (and I think founder) of the 'Gingers Aren't Useless Even Though We Look Like Orangutang Foundation' (SA Charter).

Didn't know all that, did ya? So, before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. Just, in Andrew's case, those shoes are orange vellies covered in cow poop and Steve Hofmeyr patches.

So, this is a story all about how
little Tebo is working for us again now.
He is a bit of a show off, but just sit right there,
and I'm sure you'll agree he's the king of bad hair.

Is was Northern Gauteng, smog and haze,
selling Cortinas is what he did most of the days.
Wearing golf pants with waist-coats and trying to look cool,
making you wish his mum had drowned him in the pool.

When a couple of guys, who were up to no good,
hired him for a second time for some reason and now we have to deal with him when we thought we were clear, which is fine seeing as clients really like him, and we're all going to get 'Thank You's' on his album sleeve when he finally hits the big-time.

Burger is pretty new. So new, and so quiet, in fact, that there's little we actually know about him; apart from the fact that he's tall. Really tall. Like hanging-paintings-in-the-loft-while-still-standing-in-the-basement kinda tall. He plays rugby, but usually as the posts. King Kong sometimes fights planes on his head. Oh and, thankfully, he's also skinny! Because, y'know, how weird would it be if he was that tall, and a big fatty?

Apart from being tall, he's also a fairly decent video editor, which is why we insisted on hiring him (even though he's a WAM*) after he freelanced for us. He's starting to come out of his shell little by little, and we're hoping there's a more of a personality lurking way up inside him. Because if there isn't, it's a serial killer, and I don't want to go down in history as the first victim of the Skeletor Moordenaar.

*White Afrikaans Male

Due to his hobbies, Jason is the most hospital frequenting member of staff. Both his arms are bent like bows, he has more scar-tissue than a drunk propellor repairman, and a posture that is way to advanced for his young years.

Think ‘Frankenstein’s Monster’ with tattoos.

Despite all his issues, both physical and death-wish related, he still managed to be one of the most up-beat (as opposed to ‘beat-up’) people you’ll meet (might be brain-damage). He's back with us after a brief hiatus somewhere or other (we all think it was hospital) and we hope that, this time, he stays (in one piece).

Beneath Grant’s rather rough, furrowed-brow and brash exterior lies the heart of a true team player. Kind, empathetic and a free spirit, he shares his time between making the most beautiful, inspirational visual aids and reading his poetry at créches across JHB. Once, when he was working with puppies on his weekend off, he actually cured polio in a small village, just because he loved the people so much.

Seriously, meet him. He'll change your life.

P.S. Nothing in this post is even remotely true. Grant is like Sauron in flat-peak caps. He has to keep his beady little Howard Moon eyes peeled all the time, to watch for staff members trying to club him out of his (our) misery, or set his mouldy beard on fire. We may need help with this, as he's quite quick for a seventy-year-old 25 year old. We'll take whatever help we can get.

For a guy who looks like a young Rembrandt, Theo has proved himself in a relatively short space of time. Relative to, say, Steven Hawking's Kyalami lap time. Or human evolution. But we think that, even with a super-dork bokkie, broad forehead, and a rather annoying habit of drooling on his keyboard he's going to be something special. Eventually.

So far, there are a few things we DO like about him: he doesn't complain; he has pretty good ideas about what works in visual aids; he's cheap; he laughs at almost all Donovan's jokes (which, as you're probably aware, aren't worth the effort taken to make them).

He's really into Russian Martial Arts. Which I think means he can beat up girls when drunk.

You'd think that if we ever hired anyone named 'Byron Valentino Goslin' he'd be the most pretentious, arty snob ever. And we did, and you're right! Ding ding! You win a GHD! He's a designer, he's a fashionista, he's sarcastic - he's Joan Rivers with biceps and 80's T-Shirts. He's also the only guy we know who can pull off a pair of jeans stitched into another pair of jeans and not look like a total spazz. Well, not total.

Byron joined our team on the implementation side of things - so he's taking his love of pretty stuff to a presentation near you! And he's rocking it. Just don't be surprised if it has more neon and bling than you're used to...

Sometimes it's hard to keep a sense of perspective when you've got your nose to the grindstone, so we've created a new role to make sure that the client always has a voice in the company. Holly is the first of our Diplomatic Core department who's sole purpose is to make sure that in all the rush and rumble of production, we're getting the small things right, not just the incredibly big picture. They're also the guys who make sure you're in the loop with all comms, that shoots are booked on time, and that we don't use things like 'lol' in our presentations. And you don't even pay extra for it!

She's also responsible for the spiritual side of the company, making sure that Chakras are aligned, energies are stable and that the correct incense is burning (as opposed to what Theo likes to burn). She's fun, she's bubbly, she's feisty (on your behalf), she wears ochre beads and looks great on a trampoline! She's Holly!

A one-person Diplomatic Core team isn't enough - especially with all the amount of work we're going to be getting in 2012 *hint hint*. But, as we found with Holly, not everyone can be a born-and-bred Linker, and still be the detail-driven eyes of the client... So, we looked far and wide, then further and wider. Eventually, we stumbled upon the fairytale land of Venda, mentioned in tales of olde, where we rescued Koni (her real name is unpronounceable) from a life of reed skirts and thatch huts. Like a South African 'Enchanted', with more shoes!

She's not one to be messed with, though. In fact I think instead of rescuing the fairytale princess, we rescued the dragon. And, man, am I going to pay for that 'reed skirt' comment... We know you'll be glad she's on your side...

If D'ave - the tight-pant wearing, girly-haired, nancy guy - had a protégé, or a mini--him, I think we've just found him. Sure, he's as Afrikaans as the Hoff. Sure, his conversation is so all over the place that clients sometimes think they're having a flashback. But he's smart and he listens to metal. And that makes everything - even the similarities to D'ave - manageable.

He's helping the girls in the Core Diplomat Department. They already all share make-up and underwear!

Esther is really the mother of the office. Aside from caring for all her own children, she cares for all of us - making sure we’re fed and happy, and not dying of some debilitating disease caused by Jason’s dirty bandages, left over take-aways or old chicken bones left under the fridge - we’re all a bunch of pigs.

She’s always got a smile ready for you, and maybe even a kind word - we can never really hear what she’s saying. From all of us, thanks Ester Molester for keeping us alive.

Like Esther, Viv has the considerable task of keeping us healthy. Although she’s far more fashion conscious, she’s not afraid to get her hands dirty... or complain loudly about it afterwards. She's quick with a smile, and even quicker with a carving knife.

In the future, we can see her getting into modelling. Until then, it's her unenviable job to make sure that the boxer shorts crumpled under Richard's desk don't go (literally) viral, replicate and wipe out half of Joburg.